My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
