Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
