I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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