sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
