Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize