Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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