Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
