in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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