idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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