Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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