And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
