He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
