someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
