so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
