He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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