I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize