Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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