She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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