If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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