they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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