Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
