i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
