i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
