yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
