The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
50% drunk capacity currently
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
