Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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