i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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