every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
