Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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