Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
