I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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