you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
