I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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