dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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