Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
