I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
