would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
