the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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