Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize