You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
