you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
