I'm going to jail i love you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
