i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
