I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize