im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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