I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
