when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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