i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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