Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
