I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
