i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
