Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize