Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
