idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
