I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
