i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
