I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
