Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
