I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize