Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
