I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
