Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
