Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
