Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
