Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
