Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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