ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
