Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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