I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
