My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
