what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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