You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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