literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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