im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
