ya dads aren't the best wingmen
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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