Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Are we still banned from the library?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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