Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Randomize
