All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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