period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
