Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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