My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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