cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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