Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We are all done wearing pants today
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
