i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
