you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize