Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
