I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
