That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
