Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize