Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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