I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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