When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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