Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
