I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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