Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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