Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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